Trauma Light Out or Lights On when you sleep both and for me just depends on the day.

Trauma doesn't have to be the end of your life. What its like being a Survivor of Homicide or Trauma

Trauma doesn't have to be the end of your life. What its like being a Survivor of Homicide or Trauma Imagine your life now and what it could be ten years from now. . . .LIVING IN HELL . . . . TRAUMA . TOO MUCH TRAUMA Your on the phone and all of a sudden you hear a gun shot by a silencer because your attached to that person; you know they were shot, and died on contact. He is replaced by another who looks like him but; doesn't act like him. Your in your apartment and police are casing the hallway checking on you to make sure your okay because they had gotten a call and notified you that it was basically in a hostage situation to keep low, quiet, and not make any loud noises. That night was the same day I had witnessed what I presumed to be a homicide. It was in July or August of 2016 when someone who went to the same church as, I did rolled into Bloomington. In May of that month he posed to be, " someone he wasn't " the guy whom I was dating that worked for the government. Now, just like most days I was on Facebook and didn't even know about twitter at the time would reach out to people but for 8 years no one would reach back. They were silent ghosts no one would ever call me, talk to me, and I had no idea what I had done wrong. A victim of an assassin I was at the edge of my apartment that night. For 18 years of my life through and after college had made it very known to so many that I wasn't going to get married till I was 40, that I wouldn't have children, and wouldn't depend on a Man to make it in this world. I had figured that if I could do it alone till 40 that I would have enough money saved up, life experience, to find a man who didn't want any children or baggage and have a quiet life with the one I loved and live a normal life. I was in the best shape of my life until I was in a traject accident that was so complex it has taken almost three solid years to heal both mental and physical. During this time at The Tarn-hill most of my photos the one with the movie lines was taken. I was at my very best in the world and had to deal with someone who wasn't "some one trying to be him", my stomach would start to play tricks on me and it would make me look like I was three months pregnant but, took test after test and wasn't. Never wanting children and the thoughts of having to have a baby just so you could recapture the money of your past life from being chronologically suspended became to many hostage situations. What do you do when you know your in a "situation" you don't talk, you don't think, and you don't move a single iota. Having the gift of sign language at least the alphabet saved me many times in heat of the battle I was the "hostage" and "negotiator" at the same time just like one of the Ted Talks video's below. Being put in a "Hostage" situation just because I wouldn't have a baby with someone or be with someone who claims they paid money to be with me is Absurd. That night I was either the "Hostage" but, not yet the "Negotiator". The Richfield Police had notified me they were looking for a killer and, that was the same day that the homicide when down or was it the Minneapolis Police, they wanted to check on me to make sure I was all right. Late that night after feeling high stakes I passed out on my bathroom floor. I should of called the Minneapolis Police because they were the ones who had stopped by that night. Recalling this in thought Today, it hit me, I should of been working with the Minneapolis Police as my building was split in two. Many times the Bloomington Police would come to my rescue to talk me though a "Situation", Officer Captain Jerry Waukwitz said, "Joy, I am proud of you have come a long way." I should of been asking questions at that time; instead I just listened. Trying to find work for the past four years and NOTHING; Blocked at every single instance other than word of mouth. 15 years of looking for a career after NOKIA and Nothing. No one talked to me, I couldn't make calls out to people they wouldn't call me back. What the hell is going on? I put my phone number on social media and other Women GET MY CALLS *Sting* operation fails. Why are men that I talk to dying, why are men that I talk to being bullied, why are they loosing their careers? What the Hell is going on? Why do people stop talking to me, why do they flee like the plague? Why cannot I see my real genetic family? Why was I told I'll never know my father? Why was I told on the phone one day 'she doesn't need your money' - HELL it was My father, My father had called and, was asking about me. He had a southern voice to his name I should of talked to him more but, then he asked for my mother. Later, I find out that there was a birth document that was in an envelope that said 2/3/1983 that of which would of been Ramsey's family but, that I was adopted into another family but the name had been blocked off. What does this have to do with the night I was held, or other nights I was watching semi auto matics go by my door like in Eden Prairie or Minnetonka, Why......all because I wouldn't have some baby. I made it very explicit that I was NOT GOING TO HAVE anyone's BABY. My doctors have told me, warned me, and told me over and over again NEVER to have children due to my health conditions; Fibromyalsyia, PTSD, that would limit me from even working at times it was so bad I went six months with a TBI and concussion. That was a level 3 Skull Fracture. NEVER GIVEN HOSPITAL results, never given MRI results always a MYSTERY why I did't get them. My probable is I would forget to ask for them. Or they wouldn't make it to my mail box. It seems as if my mail is opened then re sealed by someone who "HAS" to know whats going on with my life. Its time to get restitution for all these years and I was told I was kicked out of an apartment building because I wouldn't have a baby. I am going to hire a lawyer and find out what the HELL Is going on and why things are the way they are. You live your life in seconds after situations like these you never know who is out to shoot you as you are the target of the assassin. They try to block every move you make online off line they are in your phone, house, work, church, they are everywhere you are at the same time a vortex of system that is preventing you to live your full existence. You have two go to sleep not knowing if you'll wake up the next day or if you will be put to the max and have a meltdown that's just the enemy trying to control you. So many times, so many days, the same days the same thing is the definition of insanity and to think I would be with someone like that is Crazy. YOU SHOW UP AT BOTH GRADUATIONS with out invite; you have blocked my phone for 19 years and your sisters have gotten all the career shots that I was suppose to have. Other people in the community tell me things that aren't true. I will NEVER marry YOU! The Silent Assassin the wrecker of any woman's life because they won't have your baby! I made it clear at the age of 8 that I would never have any children and if I did I would abort them; they cause way to much pain on the body. Having a baby is not natural event its a miracle and I don't need any. I am my own Miracle and will help others, and give to others but, I am not going to be with a narcissistic sociopath assassin! There is no doctrine that says I have to be with you and YOU ARE NOT THE FINAL ANSWER I LISTEN TO! THE LAW has the Final Say. The Final Answer. The Final Decision in all of this next to the President of the United States, who best open the government up right now. I never had children because I wanted to be an ACTIVIST and Lobbyist and a older point in my life and those are dangerous careers! That's why I wanted to marry FBI/Police/Secret Service. My career is communications and I need to re brand my resume and put my blog on there for an explanation of my life. This shouldn't be a necessary thing to do but, I must think differently to get a different result! Your phone has been on call forwarding and every second you cannot change it but, it rolls to their phone so "THEY" can talk to them. I never get any of the calls I am suppose to get just like the Dolphin Caller from Cali I was suppose to get that career. Went on three interviews all to find no call backs or did I did I get a call back and it went through to the other sister? Why do they get my calls, why do they get my pay checks? Why do my calls go to other women who are only half siblings with a marriage. What kind of family am I in Lois Pence there are two of her I swear to God, and Two Gilbert Pence's what kind of world am I living in? This is crazy, this is insanity, this is the end of the world as we know it, and I don't feel fine. I am as you know on the strongest medications for the reasons above this line and paragraph. I have one set of parents that try to help and one set that try to destroy. For those with Mental Health: From the mind of a clinical psychologist with advocacy to PTSD and Complex Trauma. What to make of it : Understanding and Treatment to Complex PTSD Langberg, Diane, Clinical Psychologist, Global Trauma Recovery Institute, 19 Jan. 19. https://youtu.be/otxAuHG9hKo For our Officers Wives and Husbands: Wilson, Dionne "After my husband was murdered" | | TEDxSanQuentin. 19 January 19 https://youtu.be/USSLb-nOsRA For our Veterans: What happens when you are stressed to the max what will happen. A Ted Talks by John Rig a way to an alternative pharmaceutical industry. Rigg, John "The effect of trauma on the brain and how it affects behaviors" | TEDxAugusta, 19 Jan. 19. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9Pg4K1ZKws For the ones behind the scenes: Hostage and Negotiation Groups and Organizations: Tillema, Scott. "The Secrets of Hostage Negotiators" | TEDxNaperville 19 January 19. https://youtu.be/4CNRmhleJmk What you can do when your a hostage? Kohlrieser, George A hostage negotiator teaches leadership through bonding | | TEDxFultonStreet. 19 January 19. https://youtu.be/k9Z9z_Fd3Bw Hunt, Charles "What Trauma Taught Me About Resilience" | TEDxCharlotte 19 January 19. https://youtu.be/3qELiw_1Ddg