Putting your life together

When you don't know what you want out of life its not going to come up with an answer and tell you. I had to learn the hardest way because I in all humility and very good at many things but, never chose one particular thing to go after. As you have learned my professor told me, "Joy, you should go to law school" he didn't ask it in form of a question perhaps I would have had a different answer.

When we here the phrase "Today, is all we have" you will figure out your life quickly. As a puddle of tears fall to the desk my eyes clear out as I make a call to our local pastor, Tom W. of Timberwood Church. It was then when he prayed for me and the night worked itself out.

For me, it was hitting rock bottom acceptance knowing my drinking and cancer had taken me to an ultimate low and in that low I found myself crying in a library racing with time to find somewhere to live. Well, that night I found a place to call home and it lasted for about a month. Then I was going back to Nisswa because the city had spit me out again. If none of this would of happened I wouldn't be the strong woman I am today. I took 3 years off to heal from my cancer and for that duration of time I stayed in bed, I didn't move, I slept all day and night fighting cancer and clinical depression. What kept hope alive are the Original Copy Officer Captain sophisticate's they wanted their mother to come back so I did.

It was another sober house and the same thing happened and I went from place to place for a year and a half some of it being homeless for most of all of it saying in shelters and transitional housing. This isn't any way to live so I applied for unemployment to tie me over a little while and now having applied for disability I know I am going to reap some benefits from working all those 20 plus years since I was sixteen. God knows, I have worked my tail off some jobs with target and Starbucks averring 75 plus hours a week I didn't think it was possible but I had a goal to go back to college. Yet I still didn't know what I wanted to do I just was working on my cancer battle and aimlessly wondering what to do with my life I have it all together with my body and health now I need to figure out when to go back to school and where and when. My 10k turned into survival money and 40k was stolen out of my account at US BANK. A year and a half of working over 75+ hours a week gave me $10k talk about frustrating. Five years later the Minnetonka police would have helped me get $4k back out of 40k so five percent back is better than nothing. So I lived on that money and then my times are clashing overlapping as I tell this story but, you get the general tune. My Meltdowns were too much and I kept getting put out of places because of it.

And, then One Day, it hit me like a lightning Boldt on the forehead like a epiphany I was in another sober home in St. Paul and I said, to myself, "I want to be a lawyer" - so I can put all these clowns in jail and get rid of my meltdowns. Today, its a reality they are being held accountable for my actions because of what they did with my profile, intelligence, body, and immunity. The race is on now countdown to law school in two years should take me about six to get through and at 50 I will become a lawyer work 25 years and then see my retirement.

One of the most rewarding parts of my life has been the journey to pull my life back together to bring everything to pass. It has been leaning on the lord for 99.99 percent of all of it. Not knowing where my next meal, or where I would lay my head to rest would be to getting the opportunity to move to Edina. I will scream into a pillow but, I am moving into a place where we have everything accounted for for us and I am going to make it work regardless of what happens to them. I just pray in 15 days when its Christmas I can make a phone call to them and be there for them like I am 24/7. I just miss them like crazy we were able to talk yesterday and it made me so happy I wasn't depressed and I felt incredible to be with them again; like back in the day.

The take away here is that sometimes we figure our life out out of almost desperation and pain and flat out losing everything puts life into full perspective to get to the other side with a hope and a prayer and focus that all is possible we keep going because that's the only thing we know what to do.

Being a mother is one of the greatest rewards life has to offer me and it is because of them that I was able to not only have a clear focus but, a sense of purpose from their fathers and I to understand what my best strength was my voice, my language, my communication in a room of people to command respect. I had to do the work leaning on God for 99.99 percent of the rest made it easier for me. And here we are its December 15th 2020 flash forward sixteen years from college enough to learn my lesson of "What not to do when you graduate college" but, as the old adage goes its not who finishes the race first its what gets done along the hills, valleys, and plateaus of learning from good ole Hard Knox and now I will see 100 because I am going to put myself back into shape so I can go another 50 or 60 years forward who knows with cryogenics even 200 or 300 years forward with the right career, the right gentleman, and right relationship with them.

Perhaps it was having 6 different places I called home in a year and a half, beating cancer, and overcoming the fear of failing forward. I did it with less than 1000.00 in my checking and lived like string shoe budget to make it through the hard times don't last tough people do and that was me. I just had a spirit to never, never, never give up or give in despite my losses that were falling out under my feet. I have met some of the coolest people along the way and I miss some of them right now as Christmas draws a eve closer to the day I just want my original copy officer captain family know there is no way I could of done it without them, without their support, love, comfort, help, medicine, and 24/7 profile management. I have kissed death in the face too many times and this span its time for me to live. Live in a world of carefree, painless days that are well deserved of my time and talents to live a life worth living each day as we embark on the journey forward. If I can tell anyone something it would be to have a plan out of college to avoid what I did with my life. You never really might know but, push yourself to have a plan you have worked so hard and then to let yourself down after the race its not healthy and or financially a good plan. Be inspired be motivated and be your best self never giving in or giving up!